Spot the Dog

Spot the difference between these two shots.

That's right. The muzzled dog in the left-hand shot is revealed as .... just a mild-mannered hound.

Hooray for the Queensland Government (and don't expect to see that kind of sentiment too often in these posts).

Recognizing the true nature of these noble hounds, as from July 1, 2009, all Greyhound Adoption Programme greyhounds will be muzzle-free in their official green collars in The Sunshine State. No longer will the parents of small children or other nervous passers-by draw back in fear on seeing a muzzle as this gentle creature approaches happily anticipating pats.

As to the desirability of muzzling her owner - Aah! That's a different matter entirely.

The Musical Saw: No. 5 in an occasional series entitled 'Harmless Hobbies for Mad Old Bags'.

Ladies, want to while away the time in mellifluous bliss? Look no further!

Rub that resin! 'Amaze your friends'! If it was Good Enough for Dietrich,
(and we all know how versatile she was ....) it's good enough for us

...and while we're on the subject : Hints on Sleeping with Animals

(Yes, I'm sure we have all had this kind of experience at some time in our lives, Virginia, but let us never speak of it again.)

Now, here for your delectation and edification are two items which may prove useful.

First, the Good News:

Pets Stay Vigilant While You Snore On

( Click to enlarge this Arnie Levin cartoon from a well-thumbed
New Yorker Cartoon Album - find more here)

Now for the Warnings:

"How to Spend a Two Dog Night

I will address myself mostly to the rules for sleeping with two dogs. For the few who have already mastered this technique, I will later add a cat, although I urge beginners to leave the cat out.

To achieve any sort of success, certain arbitrary conditions must be assumed, the first one being that you must have a king-sized bed. There is no point in lying down in anything smaller. While the size of the breed of dog is not important (people who sleep with dogs know that before the night is over everybody collects into a pile), the condition of the dogs may be. Very thin dogs, for example, are lumpier.

I have selected the two-dog minimum because, as we shall see, it is the only way to stay in bed at all. The key word here is LEVERAGE.

All dogs spend the night pressed tightly against their human bedfellows, but no two dogs ever sleep on the same side. This is, in part, an expression of the "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie Principle". It is also to create leverage.

Because the human being is always in the middle, held tightly in place by the dogs and by his blanket (which the dogs are sleeping on top of), restlessness and recurring cramps are difficult to handle. Here is the tip: When you first lie down, AND BEFORE THE DOGS SETTLE AGAINST EACH SIDE OF YOU, spread your legs three inches apart. Stiffen and hold out NO MATTER HOW GREAT THE PRESSURE! When the time comes to turn over, bring the legs together quickly under the now slightly slackened blanket and revolve BEFORE THE DOGS WAKE UP.

As soon as you have assumed a new position, allow for those crucial three inches again; otherwise, you're a mummy for the rest of the night.

NEVER SPREAD THE LEGS MORE THAN THREE INCHES!

A dog's favorite place to sleep is in the hollow created by legs too widely spread, and once settled, he and you are frozen into position until morning. (There is a way out of this trap, but it is difficult to describe without slides). Dogs who prefer to sleep on their backs MUST BE GIVEN SPACE THREE TIMES THE HEIGHT OF THE DOG AT THE SHOULDER.

Dogs who like pillows may be accommodated if you sleep on your side with the legs scissored so that each dog has an ankle for a chin rest.

Above all, BEWARE OF CURLING! When the curl is reversed, both dogs are dislocated, resulting in low growls on both sides of you. When you are ready to add a cat, position is all important. All cats prefer to sleep in hollows, but NO CAT WILL SLEEP ON THE SAME SIDE AS A DOG. (Remember, you have only two sides). YOU MUST THEREFORE BECOME A TRIANGLE! Do this by assuming a horizontal diver's crouch, thereby creating not only three more-or less exclusive sides but two hollows as well. With one dog at your front, and the other against your back, the cat can curl into the hollow at the back of your bent knees, separated from both dogs. All will then sleep soundly.

This entire technique still needs a lot of refinement. A method that deals with early morning scratching needs to be developed, and the problem of pretending to sleep while being closely scrutinized by various animals needs to be solved."

(Thanks to Author Unknown for this one - if you know the author, tell me, then I can let my vast readership know.)

... and keep those frugal suggestions coming in! (see previous post)

The Common Shrew & Canny Savings

Yes, shrews care too.

Inspired by some ideas spotted by my Assistant Shrew in a Melbourne, Oz, newspaper, this blog is publicly joining the fight for frugality.

Well, O.K., actually it was one idea, sent in by someone who would have won the $50 prize hands down if The C S had been judging.

Here's what she said:

'McWilliams Cream Sherry is $17 a flagon. One small nip an evening delays me having to put the central heating on by up to an hour.'

Carmel, I like your style, but just can't compete. However I do find that a warm dog placed in the bed half an hour before retiring removes the need to purchase electric blankets or hot-water bottles or use energy to heat a kettle full of water. One greyhound is ideal but more may be added if desired*. A cat may be substituted if no dogs are available.

The Shrew welcomes any creative contributions to the battle to save money while saving the earth. Bear in mind, gentle reader, that any suggestion likely to startle horses or cause affright to small children or animals will disappear, never to be seen in these pages.

* NB: Do not take this step lightly! Greyhounds are like tattoos. Once you've got one you want more ....