The Common Shrew

The Patented Antidote for Seasonal Insanity

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 08:24:00 +0000

OK I''ll admit it, the previous post was so premature as to risk seeming malicious.

Blame the sea of earlier-than-ever pre-Christmas hype in which I am sinking.

In an effort to atone ( well, to be honest it's also in hopes of winning a prize for mentioning the wonderful WONDERMARK blog, freely perusable for your delectation at http://wondermark.com) I offer the following cartoon as an antidote:

( a simple click will render it visible, dear reader)

Just remember, stay away from the pickled walnuts this year and all will be well ...

What! Christmas in November? Ha! greyhounds don't follow calendars either ...

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 00:42:00 +0000

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Gladrags from Bags : No. 7 in an occasional series entitled 'Harmless Hobbies for Mad Old Bags'.

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 11:17:00 +0000

Ladies, ever wondered how to clean up those bags AND look chic on a budget?

Well here's your answer.

Cathy Kasdan knitted these amazing garments out of discarded plastic bags!

These and other examples of one woman's plastic fantastic at the artist's website. http://www.cathykasdan.com/

November is Orchid time

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:02:00 +0000

Yep orchids from my garden to my table has this lady dancing! Sorry, folks, you'll just have to imagine their delicate melon-y perfume. Enjoy!

The Secret Gardener

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 03:33:00 +0000

Yippee! With Spring truly sprung and the first rains bringing out the snails, it's good to have seen this beautiful creature a few times and know that I have back-up in the garden.

Can't see it yet? What you're looking for is the Blue-tongued Skink. Its scientific name is Tiliqua scincoides. This 25cm lizard likes to wander round gardens in the daytime finding many different things to eat, including fruit, flowers, eggs and snails.

Here it is in a more assertive moment ...

Happy Spring!

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 00:39:00 +0000

Printemps - Marc Chagall

Yes, it's Spring in the Southern hemisphere.

All over Brisbane, dogs with short memories are being startled by bluetongue lizards, viruses are raising their tiny heads and soon, all kinds of large black and white birds will begin to swoop on human beings who will respond by drawing eyeballs on their hats in a vain attempt to deter them.

Make of it all what you will.

Ecological Crochet: No. 6 in an occasional series entitled 'Harmless Hobbies for Mad Old Bags'.

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 23:27:00 +0000

Photos © The IFF by Alyssa Gorelick.

This and other similar mathematical and ecological humdingers of handcraft at the wonderfully-named Institute for Figuring .

Go there! Prepare to be amazed!

Crazy like a baboon

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 22:33:00 +0000

Women in red drive men crazy, says study

Tuesday, 28 October 2008 Will Dunham, Reuters

Men find women in red more sexually attractive, say US psychologists, confirming it really is the colour of romance.

Professor Andrew Elliot and Dr Daniela Niesta of the University of Rochester, New York report their findings in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Men rated a woman shown in photographs as more sexually attractive if she was wearing red clothing or if she was shown in an image framed by a red border rather than some other colour, says Elliot.

He says although this "red alert" may be a product of human society associating red with love for eons, it also may arise from more primitive biological roots.

Noting the genetic similarity of humans to higher primates, he says scientists have shown that certain male primates are especially attracted to females of their species displaying red.

For example, female baboons and chimpanzees show red colouring when nearing ovulation, sending a sexual signal that the males apparently find irresistible.

"It could be this very deep, biologically based automatic tendency to respond to red as an attraction cue given our evolutionary heritage," says Elliot.

The study involved more than 100 men, mostly college undergraduates, who were shown pictures of women and asked to rate how pretty they were, how much the men would like to kiss them and how much the men would like to have sex with them.

Men were shown a woman, with some of the pictures bordered in red and some bordered in white, grey or green.

Even though it was the same picture of the same woman, when she was framed in red the men rated her as more attractive than when she was bordered by another colour.

Men were then shown photographs of a woman that were identical except that the researchers digitally made her shirt red in some versions or blue in others. And once again, the men strongly favoured the woman in red.

The men also were asked, "Imagine that you are going on a date with this person and have $100 in your wallet. How much money would you be willing to spend on your date?" When she was clad in red, the men said they would spend more money on her.

The researchers noted that the colour red did not alter how men rated the women in the photographs in terms of likability, intelligence or kindness - only attractiveness.

The researchers then had a group of young women rate whether the pictured woman was pretty. Red had no impact on whether women rated other women as pretty, they found.

Gay men and colour-blind men were excluded from the study.

Source http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/?site=science

Looking, looking

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 00:39:00 +0000

I would have included 'dress-ups' in my 'Harmless Hobby' series, but I didn't like the look of those asps!

Yep, tell Theda Bara she can stop looking, she's in Fanny the Flying Housewife & other stories too!

Her poem's in the previous post.

Shameless Self-Promotion

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:54:00 +0000

WHO WAS

FANNY the FLYING

HOUSEWIFE ?

A sample can be found in an earlier post about Josephine Baker, & here are another couple to tempt you ... but that's all, now you'll just have to borrow a copy from a Brisbane Library or request your own for the paltry sum of $AUD20 by posting a suitably grovelling message!

'Kiss me, My Fool'

Theda Bara, silent film actress, 1885 — 1955

she spoke not one word

in a dozen years on the screen

this all-new 1914 model

for a Hollywood tired

of sweet innocence

the original vamp

woman as bloodsucker

eyes like smudgepots

let her studio bosses

promote a Cincinnati girl

as a Middle Eastern Beauty

and hint that her name was

an anagram of 'arab death'

instead of short for

Theodosia (God's gift)

this clever girl

knew just what to reveal

and what to veil

always let the text

do the talking

Persistence of vision

Olive Cotton, Photographer, 1911 — 2003

no snapshot for the life

of a woman who never stopped

framing images in her mind's eye

in twenty years away from the darkroom

a tent her first chosen home

with laughing children playing

in a dry creek bed

deep in the backlit bush

a woman with suitcases

filled with negatives

watching for the moment

when the sky was just right

who never thought to see the day

she'd step out of the shadow

set galleries aglow

indirect light still eloquent under her hands

and focus deep enough

to illuminate a soul

Spot the Dog

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 08:22:00 +0000

Spot the difference between these two shots.

That's right. The muzzled dog in the left-hand shot is revealed as .... just a mild-mannered hound.

Hooray for the Queensland Government (and don't expect to see that kind of sentiment too often in these posts).

Recognizing the true nature of these noble hounds, as from July 1, 2009, all Greyhound Adoption Programme greyhounds will be muzzle-free in their official green collars in The Sunshine State. No longer will the parents of small children or other nervous passers-by draw back in fear on seeing a muzzle as this gentle creature approaches happily anticipating pats.

As to the desirability of muzzling her owner - Aah! That's a different matter entirely.

The Musical Saw: No. 5 in an occasional series entitled 'Harmless Hobbies for Mad Old Bags'.

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 01:06:00 +0000

Ladies, want to while away the time in mellifluous bliss? Look no further!

Rub that resin! 'Amaze your friends'! If it was Good Enough for Dietrich,
(and we all know how versatile she was ....) it's good enough for us

...and while we're on the subject : Hints on Sleeping with Animals

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 22:15:00 +0000

(Yes, I'm sure we have all had this kind of experience at some time in our lives, Virginia, but let us never speak of it again.)

Now, here for your delectation and edification are two items which may prove useful.

First, the Good News:

Pets Stay Vigilant While You Snore On

( Click to enlarge this Arnie Levin cartoon from a well-thumbed
New Yorker Cartoon Album - find more here)

Now for the Warnings:

"How to Spend a Two Dog Night

I will address myself mostly to the rules for sleeping with two dogs. For the few who have already mastered this technique, I will later add a cat, although I urge beginners to leave the cat out.

To achieve any sort of success, certain arbitrary conditions must be assumed, the first one being that you must have a king-sized bed. There is no point in lying down in anything smaller. While the size of the breed of dog is not important (people who sleep with dogs know that before the night is over everybody collects into a pile), the condition of the dogs may be. Very thin dogs, for example, are lumpier.

I have selected the two-dog minimum because, as we shall see, it is the only way to stay in bed at all. The key word here is LEVERAGE.

All dogs spend the night pressed tightly against their human bedfellows, but no two dogs ever sleep on the same side. This is, in part, an expression of the "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie Principle". It is also to create leverage.

Because the human being is always in the middle, held tightly in place by the dogs and by his blanket (which the dogs are sleeping on top of), restlessness and recurring cramps are difficult to handle. Here is the tip: When you first lie down, AND BEFORE THE DOGS SETTLE AGAINST EACH SIDE OF YOU, spread your legs three inches apart. Stiffen and hold out NO MATTER HOW GREAT THE PRESSURE! When the time comes to turn over, bring the legs together quickly under the now slightly slackened blanket and revolve BEFORE THE DOGS WAKE UP.

As soon as you have assumed a new position, allow for those crucial three inches again; otherwise, you're a mummy for the rest of the night.

NEVER SPREAD THE LEGS MORE THAN THREE INCHES!

A dog's favorite place to sleep is in the hollow created by legs too widely spread, and once settled, he and you are frozen into position until morning. (There is a way out of this trap, but it is difficult to describe without slides). Dogs who prefer to sleep on their backs MUST BE GIVEN SPACE THREE TIMES THE HEIGHT OF THE DOG AT THE SHOULDER.

Dogs who like pillows may be accommodated if you sleep on your side with the legs scissored so that each dog has an ankle for a chin rest.

Above all, BEWARE OF CURLING! When the curl is reversed, both dogs are dislocated, resulting in low growls on both sides of you. When you are ready to add a cat, position is all important. All cats prefer to sleep in hollows, but NO CAT WILL SLEEP ON THE SAME SIDE AS A DOG. (Remember, you have only two sides). YOU MUST THEREFORE BECOME A TRIANGLE! Do this by assuming a horizontal diver's crouch, thereby creating not only three more-or less exclusive sides but two hollows as well. With one dog at your front, and the other against your back, the cat can curl into the hollow at the back of your bent knees, separated from both dogs. All will then sleep soundly.

This entire technique still needs a lot of refinement. A method that deals with early morning scratching needs to be developed, and the problem of pretending to sleep while being closely scrutinized by various animals needs to be solved."

(Thanks to Author Unknown for this one - if you know the author, tell me, then I can let my vast readership know.)

... and keep those frugal suggestions coming in! (see previous post)

The Common Shrew & Canny Savings

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 05:40:00 +0000

Yes, shrews care too.

Inspired by some ideas spotted by my Assistant Shrew in a Melbourne, Oz, newspaper, this blog is publicly joining the fight for frugality.

Well, O.K., actually it was one idea, sent in by someone who would have won the $50 prize hands down if The C S had been judging.

Here's what she said:

'McWilliams Cream Sherry is $17 a flagon. One small nip an evening delays me having to put the central heating on by up to an hour.'

Carmel, I like your style, but just can't compete. However I do find that a warm dog placed in the bed half an hour before retiring removes the need to purchase electric blankets or hot-water bottles or use energy to heat a kettle full of water. One greyhound is ideal but more may be added if desired*. A cat may be substituted if no dogs are available.

The Shrew welcomes any creative contributions to the battle to save money while saving the earth. Bear in mind, gentle reader, that any suggestion likely to startle horses or cause affright to small children or animals will disappear, never to be seen in these pages.

* NB: Do not take this step lightly! Greyhounds are like tattoos. Once you've got one you want more ....

Microfleece Madonna Manifests at Dish-licker Day out

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Mon, 18 May 2009 11:57:00 +0000

This captivating creature was captured on film by Murphy's Dad
as she worked the crowd at a recent greyhound adoption promotion.
You can see more hounds at Murphy's Law : greeting camels, patiently
being mauled by babies and living up to their reputation
as intelligent, peaceful and gentle dogs.

If all this gives you hound-envy and you want one of your own
to adore in a way that will probably make both of you
end up looking ridiculous, see the information-rich
Greyhound Adoption Programme of Queensland site,
or contact the greyhound adoption organisation where you live,
and give one of these gentle and affectionate dogs a good home.

Tatting: No. 4 in an occasional series entitled 'Harmless Hobbies for Mad Old Bags'.

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Sat, 09 May 2009 11:50:00 +0000

The position of the little finger marks this pursuit as suitable for Ladies.
You don't have to be born in the USA for this one, but apparently it helps
as the source of the instruction sheet:-
http://www.morninggloryantiques.com/collectTatting.html
and this:-
http://www.victoriana.com/Embroidery/tatting.htm
(from which the following illustration is taken),
demonstrate ...

Y'all have a fine time now!

Mr Stick Gives a Girl That Smile

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 01:00:00 +0000

Mr Stick transcends the problems of time travel
and with his straight-up shtick makes this girl's bananas curl!
Want to embrace your inner stick? Just go to http://misterstick.blogspot.com/

Want to know more about Josephine Baker?
Just double click her name.

Meanwhile this'll put you in the picture ...

sixty-nine
Josephine Baker 3 June 1906 - 8 April 1975

'Hot damn' they said
'hot damn look at that old gal go'
and her knocking their socks off
like she did in the old days.

Didn't know what skirt meant
till she bared her buttocks
in that fruit loop getup.
Oh boy that banana dance!

And you remember - you must remember
that crazy guy - who was it now
shot himself right there
right there at her gold kid feet.

The punters, the nazis, the bosses, the bigots
didn't she lead them all a merry dance
right from St Louis Social Evil Hospital
- now ain't that the place to be born -

to La Salpetriere Paris, where the bad girls die
and just days before she'd had them sighing:
'that Nefertiti that clown that ebony orchid'
Man was she some 'uppity coloured girl'.

©Ynes Sanz
from 'Fanny the Flying Housewife' an unpublished collection of 40 poems
for mad and magnificent women

Eurythmics: No.3 in an occasional series entitled 'Harmless Hobbies for Mad Old Bags'

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 06:46:00 +0000

That this wondrously expressive hobby
exists at all is thanks to Monsieur Dalcroze
whose works and thoughts can be found at
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/21653/21653-h/21653-h.htm

Don't Try This At Home

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 00:24:00 +0000

Yes, I too was a child in the 1950s. All my mother could afford was pointed sticks ...

Topiary: No. 2 in an occasional series entitled 'Harmless Hobbies for Mad Old Bags'

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 23:31:00 +0000

This topiary woman found at the unpredictable Nothing to do with Arbroath

On Getting Off Your Case

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 14:03:00 +0000

This cartoon by Don Addis

Herbert

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:28:00 +0000

This image is called 'Herbert'. It's by a German artist called Michael Sowa.

i like to think
it's true
what they say
that people grow
to look like their pets
why do you think
i own a greyhound
and besides
it's hard
to get a collar and lead
on a shrew

ys

Yarnbombing: No. 1 in an occasional series entitled 'Harmless Hobbies for Mad Old Bags'

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 04:48:00 +0000

This Knitting-covered bus is from a story in the UK Telegraph newspaper at
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/4305406/Knitters-turn-to-%20graffiti-artists-with-yarnbombing.html

While these knitted beanies on a Banksy are from a post at
http://www.oberholtzer-creative.com/visualculture/2009/01/yarn-bombing/

Women say 'knickers' to violence

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:58:00 +0000

Meanwhile, in the faraway city of Bangalore, India, women going about their business are being subjected to random but sustained violent attacks by fundamentalist Hindu males.

Proudly claiming the description of 'A consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women' these women have caught the attention of the world for the chutzpah with which they are organising a campaign to defend themselves and 'say nyaaah to infringements on (their) constitutional rights' and 'nyaaah to any threats of violence'.

See more at http://thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com/

Interior with Hound

noreply@blogger.com (Grey Grannie) — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 00:05:00 +0000

I think I could turn and live with animals,
they are so placid and self-contained,

I stand and look at them long and long.
They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania of owning things,
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago,
Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.
So they show their relations to me and I accept them,
They bring me tokens of myself, they evince them plainly in their possession.
I wonder where they get those tokens,
Did I pass that way huge times ago and negligently drop them?

Walt Whitman - Song of Myself (extract)